Friday, February 15, 2019

A Loner? Or Just Alone? Does it really matter?



That's a good book, BTW...

I used to be a busy person. As a kid (as soon as I was old enough), I helped an old man clean his house, babysat for my neighbors,worked at a pizza parlor and then a florist shop. I worked at TGY (department store) for a very short period of time until I got the job I really wanted at Publix (grocery store). I would have loved to stay with them beyond my two years, as I loved the people I worked with and the customers, but as a single parent of a little girl, I needed a full-time job with benefits. I worked at Fish Memorial Hospital (before HCA took over) in the x-ray department, transporting patients, helping to position the patients for the x-rays, developing and then transcribing them once the Radiologist read the films. I worked in banking as a teller and then became Supervisor of the checking department, including their remote Points Of Service, for a Savings & Loan. I went back to school years later and became a Barber. I loved the work and the customers were fantastic. The busy business of a Hairstylist got the better of me and I left. Plus, hubby constantly gave me grief over my hours. The best money was made at night and he didn't like playing Mr. Mom... Finally, I worked at a Door & Trim shop as an Accounts Administrator for just about 5 years. Again, hubby couldn't handle it when I worked overtime. The money was excellent, and I loved feeling like I could be self-sufficient, but his ego couldn't take the fact that I made more money than him. 😎 Plus, in 2005, everything came crashing down when Rheumatoid Arthritis & Fibromyalgia reared their ugly heads. I can't help but wonder if all the stress at home and feeling torn between my job and family brought this all on (amongst lots of other stressors in my life). I've been declared legally disabled and unable to work ever since (well, after fighting with SSD for almost 7 years!). I wish they would find a cure. I feel like I've gone way downhill in the past 14 years. BUT, I try to do the best I can with what I have and am able to do on any given day. I rest when my body tells me to. I've learned to say "NO", although it still hurts to have to say it sometimes. I was the one who always wanted to be the grandmother (Mimi) who watched the grands while their parents worked. Now I've had to learn to enjoy my own company. The grands don't come over anymore and I was unable to pick up the toddlers anyway (although I tried and paid for it later). I just love and miss them with all of my heart. 💖 Then in 2016, my husband decided he didn't love me anymore and so, after 1/2 of my life with this man (26+ years), I was facing another divorce. The 3rd one in my life, although this marriage had lasted the longest, I still felt like a failure. I guess I am just not made for marriage. No more, though. I'm done - the ballgame is over. The kids are all grown. They don't need me anymore. It's MY time now! I've learned that I like my own company! Watch out world. HERE I COME!!! 🙌 I'm not a loner, I'm not lonely and it doesn't really matter. I AM ME!!

Thursday, January 10, 2019

2018 - The Good, The Bad And The Much Better!





What a year 2018 has been! So much growth and gratitude! God has been so good to me!

I had my second knee replacement surgery in February 2018, went home the day after instead of two days later, and after lots of physical therapy, I can now walk without pain in my knees! That doesn't mean that I don't still have the RA and FM pain everywhere else in my body, but it is definitely freeing to be able to walk without a cane or walker. I try to take care of my body and I pray that the autoimmune stuff stays quiet. One day at a time...

2018 also had me breaking out of my "shell", so to speak. In October, I completed my first 4½ hour drive ALONE! Woo Hoo, that was freeing! My nephew and his beautiful bride got married and I was determined to be at that wedding. I was so happy when I arrived at my hotel! Exhausted, but happy. It was a gorgeous day for the wedding, not too hot, and I also got to see some of my out of state family that I hadn't seen in more than 35 years! I am so grateful to God (as my Guide) that I was able to make the trip!

2018 was a time for growth and reconnections. My brother and sister both live back in the area and have become such a wonderful lifeline and source of joy to me! I've been back and forth to their homes and them to mine several times throughout the year. Always a great source of fun and laughter when we get together! 

I was "allowed" to spend a few hours with my grandson, Bentley, at the beginning of December so we could go to dinner and then Walmart to let him pick out his birthday present. He turned 6 and is so tall! He did say he is the tallest one in his kindergarten class. Them Burkey genes have taken a hold of him. 😊😊 I still haven't met his new sister who will be two this year. All in God's timing. 

I survived Christmas 2018 without a tear! (2017 brought a threat of the little men in white coats) My daughters are still doing their own things, sans me. BUT, I have learned that I can find joy, peace and comfort in God (as well as my siblings) and He will never leave nor forsake me! Everything else is in His Hands. I trust and pray everyday that He will soften their hearts so that they will find their way back to Him and in turn to me. In the meantime, I have learned to really enjoy my own company. Who woulda' thunk it?! LOL

So, here we are... A New Year... New Beginnings... New Hopes... New Goals...
May this year bring everything you hope, dream and pray for!